WaterDeep

The Siblings

2005-10-05T14:27:00.000+08:00

This place now it used to put this fiction(?). As an encourage of writing...
Siblings

I’m dying. I know that. The system and my body are powdering. I can hear the scream of Kaziki. It must be a big beat for him. I told him that I would leave when he thought we could go back together. With the connection of our mind, I know that one of the aims of their actions was to take me back the island. Sorry everyone. But I have to disappoint them. After all, it stills a happy ending, isn’t it? The crisis of the earth has been relieved. People now can have their peace lives. With the information given by Kazuki’s mother, Sakura and Kouyo can be well… Though Kaziki’s eyes, the azure I see now is so clean and blue…I feel my world becoming dark… What makes me still don’t want to leave... maybe, Tsubaki, my sister…how are you…

***************************

Before 10 years old, I was as same as other boys on the island. Oh, maybe there was a little different, my father was the headmaster of the school of the island, and my mother, as said by father, had died in an accident when I was 2. I could remember nothing about my mother. Only the photos on father’s desk gave me the information that how my mother looked like. We looked quite similar. The colour of our hair was same. It is a light yellow. My father had a deeper colour, just as same as himself. He was a strict man. Maybe because he was the headmaster, most children on the island were aware of him. And the adults were respectful to him. I thought it was because he was the most intelligent man here. I found I was wrong later on. The island was not big. But it was very peaceful. Kazuki and Maya and others and I usually played together after school. We ran into the forests, swam in the sea and played other games. No one had ever mentioned that he or she wanted to go out, except Maya’s sister. She once was shouting that she would go to Tokyo and become an idol. But finally she still stayed on the island, and worked a teacher in our school, which was far from her dream. At that time I didn’t know her real job, which was even much farer. I, as same as other children, just thought that we would have a beautiful teacher. And she was kind to us. That year I was 10, and so many things happened in that year.
Maybe the very beginning of everything was the broken radio. Now I even suspect how we could find such a broken radio and want to mend it. At a time I hated myself. How could I have the mending skills? If I couldn’t fix the radio, we should have sent it to the adults. Then everything would be different.
I could only remember the first part of the whole event. It was a nice day. We were all together. I had spent two days on maintenance. Kazuki called all our friends out when I told him I was going to fix it. We waited under the tree. I rolled button. At first there was no signal that showed the radio was OK, so the others went away. But Kazuki still waited for me. And then I heard a soft voice, “Are you there?” The nightmare began. I don’t know what exactly happened after that moment. When I was back to consciousness, I couldn’t open my left eye. I felt pain, though it was very slight compare with Flashback. However, I still could recall the horrible feeling now. With the right eye I saw Kazuki’s hands were bloody. Before I fell into stupor again, I heard Kazuki and my scream, and other children’s cry.
One of my eyes was blind forever. First I thought it was the worst thing that a person could have in his life. I found I had been totally wrong soon after that. Maybe because actually I was attacked by the Festum, father finally made a decision which was telling everything to me. I was taken to the Alvis after I could walk by myself. Before that I had never thought or imaged there was such a secret of our island. Under the ground of the forest, where I had played together with Kazuki so many times, there was a structure that we could never be able to image. I was told that every adult on this island knew all these things, only children didn’t know. They thought it was to protect them, or us. But when the children grow up and become adults, they would let them know. Then they have to choose their first and second career. Whether or not the young adults accept their destiny, they have to face it, because they have no other choices. And at least they have spent a colourful childhood. As a child I could not understand the whole event, but father just told me and said I had to remember it. He would give me time to accept, but I could never tell other children. Suddenly I realized why Yumiko finally stayed here. She knew the fact. I could accept everything, and as an excuse of the hurt, I stayed at home for a long time. Kazuki and Maya sometime would come, and brought me the school works. But they never stayed long time. And Kazuki felt uncomfortable when only we two alone. No one worried about my study; I was one of the top students in the grade after all. But when the semester was finished but I still didn’t want to go out, father felt something unusual. I was still in my own world. It was a terrible felt. After I knew things happened after my radio mending, I felt it was my fault to let the foe come. To wake me up, I was taken by my father to the most secret places in this island. There, I met her, my sister, Tsubaki.
I was threatened by the scene in front of my eyes. A girl was in the strange red bottle, like a doll with no life. All the things around her were machines. It was a holy place but full of horror. At first I thought that girl-like thing was something which was just girl-like. But then I heard my father’s voice: She is your little sister, Tzubaki. I had never thought I had a sister or other siblings. All people in my world before were father, friends and strangers. Even mother was a foggy figure. Then at that time I was told I had another sister, who had been in this place for at least eight years…. Whether she was conscious? I hoped not so that she would not feel painful and lonely. I turned back to father; half was of the wondering of all the tings, half was of the angry: why my sister had to be treated like this. The rest of that day all in my mind was this scene. Father said I should be aware that what I should do, which was to protect Tzubaki, and all other people on this island. He said I was born to bear this mission.
The next several night nightmares were always with me. Night by night I saw the horror scene in my dreams, and then woke up in the very morning. One night I even found myself in the bottle which was full of a red liquid, watching my father taking a person and telling something. But this situation did not last long, though my mental situation seemed to be much worse. I have believed that Tzubaki had her own mind at that time, though father described her as a kind of festem. Because one night I met her in my dream, and she told me something that I couldn’t recall when I woke. But I felt calm after that. It seems that I suddenly realized what I should do was to protect everyone, especially her, my sister who had suffered so much and would suffer more. I said this to myself, and then asked father, what I could exactly do.
The next day I formally became a member of Alvis.

Days flow like water. Time flies while no one notices. I went back to school, and after school I worked in the secret structure under the ground. I learnt how to operate all the monitors in CDC, everything about the island, the history of human beings and, all things about Fafnar.
None of my friends knew all these. I became the leader of our grade. Because I always left school soon after classes were over, they thought I was a super hard working student. I seldom played with them, except sometimes I talked with Kazuli, mainly about his homework. I were only intimacy to him compare with others.

Busy Days

2005-08-23T16:13:00.000+08:00

Days seems to be busy and free at the same time. It is a strange description, but it is the true feeling that I have at this time. Maybe that because of those boring project works. They pretend to be something that are easy to deal with. But actuslly they are the biggest time comsumers. I feel they eat my time when I don't aware. My time flows away when I wait my teammates, when we argue with some tiny problem and even when we exchange our ideas, when I search my datas, when I queue for my printing. They are steals. And I don't find my English improved after so many projects.
Maybe the reason is not these projects themselves, but the ones who do it. Every time there must be someone late. Then the discussion is inefficiency. Some member treat this work unimportant. One of my friend tell me that, one day theire team appointed a meet at 1PM. Her teammates didn't turn up until 2:30. I asked her why she said because one of them attended a lecture that attence was not compulsory. That girl went to that lecture that might make her late foe the discussion without telling my friend. How terrible it is! Why people can not be more respctive to others? Being in time when you have an appointment is a basic behaviour of respect to others. It can say that we are all top students in China, how can behave like rude people?
Other then this , there are so many things in our lives that can make us red. But I rarely see anyone showed they feel shame.
Oh, I've already jump away from the topic.
To be back, I should say that, I have just spent a busy weekend. I usually prefer to divide my weekend time as six pieces. And this weekend I nearly spent five of then on my project works...But I still feel uncomfortable because I find our discussion time usually was wasted when we were discussion. Sometimes it was the change of topic, from the one that we were work on to some other things that was totally unconnective to the project work. Sometimes it was the waiting for somebody to give their ideas. I really found some of my group members speaking not directly enough. They prefer to speak a lot of words before giving their ideas. And those a lot of words in my opinion are quite useless.
One thing that is good is that, now I finally finish my oral mini project 2. I can feel the reduction of burden after the presentation. At least I can feel free a little time though someone has told me that we would begin our third mini project soon.
It is hard to say the feeling I have towards the mini project. I have to admit that the presentation in front of the whole class is good for us to practice our oral English and the ability to stand in front of people to give idea. But, the process of this project is painful and stressful. My teammates and I always want to put everything we find into the final result and make it perfectly, but we don't have enough time! It is a mini project after all, just a mini one. But it ate and will continue to eat my hours. What I can get are only those non-perfect results.
Life will never be easy. Now I quite agree with it. And now I even have no right of choosing.

The Jack--------For Athrun

2005-08-16T15:43:00.000+08:00

Put the cards by type, from bigger one to small one. The order is King, Queen, Jack, and then all those numerical cards. Jack is the one in the middle; it exists, but has little power to influence the direction of the game. It just exists.

You were a prince. Your father was in charge of a country. In general mind, such person can be considered as a prince though he has no such title before his name. You had or may even have the quality of a prince: handsome, polite, and gentle. You was even has a fiancée who could also be considered as a princess. It seemed perfect.
But, it is not a play where prince and princess have their quiet life, though it is much more ridiculous than those fairy tales.
You lost you mother at the beginning. You lose your family, or more than family but also teacher and teammates and even friend at the end.
Someone said that you betrayed your country; someone argues that you just followed what is called justice. But, for me, you are just the chessman, a sad chessman, played by the destiny.
Your machines are always called Justice. What a satire it is! You may be the only one who can not find the justice in the heart. Or maybe there is no such thing that can be called justice in this reality world?
They said you are suitable for the red colour. I feel sad about this fact. Why you are so willing to escape from the blood world but you are still in the centre of it? Why does the destiny treat you so cruel?
Someone makes a joke: every person who had talk with on the deck would surely die. And actually they died, except the guy who will never die. Each time such thing happens you would be much sadder, and more confused about way you choose.
Once a time I disliked you. It was the time that you were moved by the prolocutor. I cannot stand that you are not yourself. Why not make decision yourself? Why not follow the way that you have chosen? Maybe even at the first time when you were moved by your lovely fiancée I begin to feel unpleased.
You think too much, confused by yourself. The never dead guy makes a decision faster than you and he follows it more constantly, although his decision may be innocent. But you always consider others. No one can fit everybody’s desire! Be willful if you really want to do something.
Or may be, at last you are just a prince, playing a role of knight. You are not the saviour. You are not the King who can control the whole thing. You are just the Jack, fighting for the princess, even the princess now is not yours. Be a real knight, and don’t consider other things, then you can relax.
They want you to be a Jack, a knight, a fighter.
But will that still be you?

I will be with you in such a hard and cruel world, as far as you are still yourself, my prince, my beloved.

Today is Monday

2005-08-08T15:55:00.000+08:00

It seems that I prefer to use the SAL (self-access learning) lesson to update this blog, although I began it on my first DLS class of this term. SAL class become one of the most unimportant lesson for me. I just don't want to attend it. It is different from the AWS or OCS class, which are the lesson that I don't like. SAL lesson is like a period of time that I can use it freely but I don't want to do anything. It is very strang, isn't it? Even last term when I was here I complained to my classmates that whether we SM2 students can not go to the computer lab and borrow those movie to watch. But now, I can use this room, and I even have two hours one week for those materials on that lab, the only problem is that I don't want to watch them. It does nothing with the confidence of listening and understanging the movie. I used to read or watch things that I might not fully understand, like the THREE KINGDOMS, which I read when I was in the junior high school. It doesn't matter, in my opinion. If I can not understand the book or movie, I can try it a second time, and so on, until I can it clear. But this time, I just don't want to do it. Maybe the lesson itself makes me uncomfortable. Compare with staying with classmates and doing self-access learning in the small room, I prefer to study in the library, where I can stop and have a rest or sleep at any time. Another reason is our tutor. Oh, he is a Chinese, good ,very good. It is briliant to meet a person who is from your hometown in another country, isn't it? But, I will never feel good of the situation that 21 Chinese stay in a room and they all talk in English. Besides this, the first class he gave us made me feel depress towards this lesson. Plan the study in the room. Using two hours to do just this one thing! Why can't we do that more effectively? With that two hours in the library, I can even finish my homework that day. So, if there is nothing that I want to do , why not write this thing? Blog is not so important for me, but I can say "I'm doing writing excise." when the Chinese guy comes and asks me. What a briliant idea!
Tomorrow there will be no SAL lesson. It will be aa wonderful day! We skip totally four class this week, including one AWS and one OCS. And I don't have to write these words during the SAL lesson. Actually there is another good news about the SAL lesson---we don't have to write down the much more stupid thing which is called SALOG on the Blackboard. GREAT!
We gain an extra holiday here in Singapore. Tomorrow is their national day. They create a one day public holiday. And as a result of that, I can sleep until the mid-day tomorrow. Although there will be some homework, it will be a happy day. I can surfing the internet and playing games. Now I'm keen of this RPG game "PAL3a". Of course it is an abbreviation. I will never try to translate this name in to English. Translation is a wonderful work. But most of time this work can not be done perfectly. Whenever I read a English passage that is translated from the Chinese literature, I can hardly feel the original taste of work. So do some English translating work. This game is full of the Chinese culture, just like the "Forgotten Realms" which is mainly about the western civilization. When I play this game, I can find smethings moving me, and feel how deep the Chinese culture. I like it, but not addict myself to it.
SO MUCH ALREADY......
From a simple idea I have so much words to say... just like our ARC class, always the topic goes so far away when we are talking and no one knows how we go the place we are.

The Lord of the Ring

2005-08-03T22:12:00.000+08:00

I first knew this book was around three years ago, when the film ‘The Fellowship of the Ring’ was on in China. I asked my mother whether we could go and watched it together. We had been away from cinema for a few years because the wonderful price of the ticket. But that time we chose a small second round cinema so that it would be much cheaper. My mother and I enjoyed the film in a large but empty theater, with quite bad sound effect. Even it was such a situation; we still felt that the film was good and wonderful. My mother understood nearly nothing with the story line. Only the beautiful view of New Zealand attracted her, and I became interested in the fair race—elf.
It is quite fortunately that I bought a computer at that time, and began to surf the internet. With the information on-line, I knew much about this book. And I was surprised by those fans of this book. They seemed know everything about Tolkien, some of them could even tell the very detail of the story without rereading the book. I had to admit that it was the fantastic fanfiction that first attracted me. Those fictions gave me a picture of the fantasy world made by J.R.R.Tolkien many years before. Those days I always imaged things of the middle-earth when I was going to bed. The fictions concentrated on the race elf, the beautiful and clever child of the god in the middle-earth. I read the Chinese edition later on. And I couldn’t endure the translation that the elf became ‘little elf’. The one who did the translation recognized this book as a children novel and he chose very lovely words. Somehow the middle earth became red and green and full of other fresh colours with the description, which was so far away with my imagination of it. As I imaged, the world should be the colour of brown and black and dark red. I didn’t mean there were only these colours there, but it should be full of magic and myth and the most important, very realistic including every intrigue and war. I cannot admit the colourful world created by the translators. I dropped the book when I finished half of the third part of the long novel and couldn’t continue. I switched back to those fan fictions.
With the second and third part of this trilogy becoming films, I learnt more about the middle-earth. How the world was created, how came the calendar of the world, where did the different races come from, who the enemy actually is etc. Besides these, I had some sense of the first two ages of the sun age-the tragic story of the Nordor elves. At first I didn’t know what they were talking about on BBS with such names like ‘Feanor’ or ‘Thingol’. Then I realized that besides the very book ‘THE LORD OF THE RING’, there were other books. Then I knew the ‘SILLMARILION’ and ‘UNFINISHED STORY’ and ‘HOME’. I got some about the stories talked in these books from people’s talking on BBS. There is Chinese editions of these books, and my English was (is) too bad for reading these English book. But there is a seed in my heart.
I left this legend a long time after I was in the grade 2. My concentration is mainly on amine and comic at that time. I still read some fan fictions and articles about the book but with less interesting.
The next time I be keen on this book was the time I came to Singapore. When I first found the book ‘SILLMARILION’ in bookshop, I bought it with a price which seemed so high for us. Even now I can’t believe that I finished it in two weeks time---using my poor English and a digital-dictionary. After that, I re-watched the trilogy films. This second time I watched them in English. I felt that I began to enjoy the English language, and I can felt more about the spirit described in the work. I've learnt much from this book, and I'll learn more. For me it's a wonderful book.

Writing things

2005-08-02T16:46:00.000+08:00

I have no habit of writing, even in Chinese. There was a strange thing that even I hated writing so much when I was in primary school, I still could get high marks of my writing assignment. So I once thought that maybe I have the talent of writing things. But after all, it is not true. I can't earn a high mark for my writing lesson ever since I entered into the senior high school. Writing essays are considered to me as the most difficult homework. Besides this, our teacher usually told us to write something arguable, and said that for this particular article style, you should put some particular words here and there... All these made not only me but also the whole class feel boring. In our opion, the words we wrote down should express the true emotion that we have or the point that we really want to say. However, we had to write something that for her were clearly and deeply but for us were stupid as the assignments and gain the marks which can ensure we would have a happy holiday.
So I used to keep away from it unless I was forced to do so. Long before I did try to keep the dairy everyday, and I just continuted it for about two weeks. I can still remember the last days' content of the dairy. " Today nothing happened" or "Today is OK, I may find something to write tomorrow." Writing teacher usually told us to find the details in the daily life that would move us. So I tried, but because I was too small ai that time, and I can find nothing. At last I gave up the dairy.
The the time flys. I've never kept dairy since the time I gave up my first attemp. I have never had good feeling with my every writing lesson. I wrote someting that meaningless on my weeknote book which should be submit to my class advisor to check. But sometimes I really want to put down something on paper.
Things have become clear after I came to Singapore. When we just arrived I were so depressed that I began to wrote things.

Things that suddenly happen

2005-07-26T15:28:00.000+08:00

I thought I brought the passage I wrote yesterday.
I wanna to post them here, that was my plan.
My plan has to be changed now. Instead of those meaningless word, I put these words which are also meaningless here.

I wanted to write something about things I like, or I love. I tried doing this, in about one hour.

I found the size of the document changed from 11 KB to 27 KB. I couldn't believe that those word worth 16KB. And there is one thing I always believed, Microsoft, or the Windows XP always cheat us with some fantastic numbers. For example, once I copied a big document from my removable hardisk to my computer. The Windows told me that it would only take 1 minute. However, I waited about half an hour for this copy.

Micheal is correct. Machines are always stupid.

And the one make a not-so -stupid machine operate stupid would be more stupid than the liveless machine.

Sometimes I enjoy the feeling of hunging on the internet. I have no habit of chatting, the only thing I do now is browing the BBS and read those articles. Some of them are very brilliant, some are really rubbish. I can spend a whole afternoon or even a whole day of doing this thing.

I would remind the situation when I surfed internet with dail-up connection. The fastest speed I could downloading things was around 4 KB, usually it was 2 KB. And I had to pay for the bad service 4 yuan per hour. There was one month that the telephone bill of our home raised to 70 yuan. All I did at that time when I was surfing the internet was opening the web pages as fast as I could and closing them immediately. I did that thing in one hour time. Then I spent another several hours to read the things I had got. This is the most economic ways for dail-up users. I found this method after I realizing that the process you opening a web page is actually you computer downloading things from internet. And they must be store at somewhere in my computer.
At that time, surfing the internet was an interesting thing, though the speed was low and the price was expensive. I can still remember the strang sound my modem giving out when it was connecting the web.

That is the all begeinning

2005-07-22T03:00:00.000+08:00

We can never know what will happen the next minute.

World has teeth, and it would bite you at any time it like.

Someone has told me that half of life is the unhappy things, and the rest is to deal with these unfortunately things.

Usually bad fortunate would begin at something very tinny. Such as the unbelievable mistake you made in a single class.

My mistake is creating this blog.

The one I may never visit...Or I will add something...

It is only the beginning.

I never hope visitors.